Its so totally worth it.... but scary.

So we are pregnant... and we both are feeling mixed emotions, ecstatic excitement to fear of being responsible for a little human, to the financial changes that will come. There are so many changes. I have always heard that you will have really weird dreams when you are pregnant, well I have been having this one where Jake and I are sitting on top of a cliff and I have a blanket around me. I drop my blanket down the cliff and then I jump down to get it before it falls, when I jump off, I land on a bunch of large rocks, and have to balance on then to get my blanket. When I get back up to Jake, he asks, "Wasn't that scary?" and I reply, "Yes it was so scary but it was worth it to have my blanket and not let it fall.
That is exactly what I am feeling in real life right now.
I saw on a pregnancy website that its a good idea to keep a log of your dreams because it is fun to go back later and see how they related to your life at that time. This is the closest thing that I have to a diary.

We have a few new things to blog about.......

So, Jake and I have made the decision to move to Alaska. We have the opportunity to go there and both of us will have jobs immediately. I am very excited to get to know Ron and Vicki more, since they are the only ones out of all of Jake's siblings that I dont know very well.
Vicki has a close friend that is opening up a rehab center for children and adults. I am going to be working with the children, and Jake will be with the adults. I am very much looking forward to this type of work. I love being around kids, and the ones with handicaps or challenges are such an example to me.
It will be hard leaving behind what I have here. My family, my job, my friends, etc. I will miss them all dearly. But I am also looking forward to a life changing experience, one that I probably would never had the chance to do without the help of Vicki.

And I said in the title that I had a FEW things to share and blog about..... both of which are going to lead to alot more blogging... yay!! The first thing was about us moving...... and the second is....

We are expecting! I know its way early to be telling people, but we are excited (well, let me rephrase that..... I AM EXCITED!! Jake is scared....) We have been trying since December, and leave it to us, to finally make it happen, when we are going to be moving.

Both of these changes are exciting and I am so glad that I can share them with you all!

Lipstick Mommy...

I went and spent the day with Ari, Haley and Lori up at Primary Childrens. I had talked to Haley on Sunday to see how they were doing, she told me Ari was doing really well and that she had started gaining her weight back. I remember thinking... "Wow, that is great news..." then I get to the hospital on Tuesday... and she has her cute chubby cheeks again! She looked like a different baby compared to the last time that I had been at the hospital with them. Ari was so much fun. As soon as she saw me walk into the room I heard her mumble something to Haley in a little tiny voice, that only Haley could hear. Haley giggled and said, "she wants some lipstick..." I always offer Ari lipgloss when I am there because she is always picking the skin off of her lips and when she has pretty gloss on she doesnt do it. It was so cute that her first words to Haley when I walked in were "lipstick Mommy..." I let her keep it in her purse until I had to leave that night. Ari is also walking all over the room she is in... yes this time they actually have room to move around each other. She is so cute, she has a mini WalMart shopping cart that she puts all of her valuables in and she pushes them around her room. Haley, Lori and I have been making headbands and there were little pieces of yarn scattered around the hospital room floor, Ari would walk over to them, and her little stomach is still a little big so its hard for her to bend over, but she would bend over and pick the pieces up and throw them away. Haley says that she is a little clean girl. She likes to make sure that everything is picked up and nice. I loved spending the day with all of them it was so fun! I hope :-) that they are.... and I hope that they arent :-) still there this weekend...

Lori gave me some recipes for some healthy bread that will be good for Jake and I since we have been starting to eat better. Its 100% wheat bread, with a few extra items to make it extra delicious. I stayed up until 2:00 am last night because I wanted to try making it as soon as I got home. It was fun and the bread turned out so good. She had one that was cinnamon and raisin flavored, which I really liked, but I knew that Jake wouldnt touch it... so I used dried blueberries instead of raisins and I took out the cinnamon. It turned out really good! But I do have to say that the plain wheat one was better! So thank you Lori for being a domestic Goddess when it comes to cooking fun, new things. You are awesome!!

Conference on Sunday April 4th, 2010

I took notes during the conference on Sunday, we didnt catch the one on Satuday because we were sledding. But I like to keep notes so that I can later reference them. I love watching conference, its always so peaceful. If you read my notes and I have mis written or mis quoted someone, please let me know so that I can fix it.
First Session:
Dieter F. Uchtdorf - I was making my breakfast during his talk, but he said one very profound and touching sentence. I feel like this is something that we all need to think of daily, myself especially... Every person is a VIP to our Heavenly Father. Wow, what power that sentence holds. I know that I need to remember that.
Richard D. Scott - Jesus gave us the path to be able to rise again. Easter is when we return gratitude for what the Savior did. LDS members can better understand what Christ really did for us, because we have complete knowledge about what he did. Jesus gave his life to break the bonds of death. He is the fountain of truth. When we obey a law we receive a blessing. The Savior had to go through the Atonement alone, not because God didnt love him but because he needed to do it alone. Use the Church as a righteous tool to strengthen the home. The best way to make a permanent change for good is to let Jesus be the center of your life.
Donald L. Halstrom - Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. No matter the cause the source of our response can change the recourse of our lives. "Come unto me all who are labored and I will give you rest," Jesus said. There is joy and pain, without one we cannot know the other. How we respond to situations can reset our direction of our souls. Fear not what man can do for God will be with you forever and ever. If you feel you have been wronged, deal with the matter directly, dont give up, turn to Christ. Never let an earthly circumstance hurt you spiritually. Let us turn to the Lord. He will forever right our life.
Cheryl S. Lant - Striving to be worthy is an example in itself. We must love the Lord with all of our hearts. As we love our families we love the Lord. Be an example. You must know the way in order to show. We may feel as if we are failing, but through the Lord we can be who we need to be and do what we need to do.
Quinton R. Cook - "Ye are my deciples if you show love one to another." Our focus has always been on the resurection of the Lord. Repent and become a Saint through the Atonement. How we interact with others is a measure of our love for Christ. We need to be respectfull of others and love even our enemies. Sacrement meeting is the holiest of all meetings of the church. It shows our commitment to Heavenly Father to remember his Son and to renew our baptisimal covenants. Spend your life tyring to be mroe loving to all no matter how strong the adversary is. Conducting yourself as Jesus lives and loves is more important than being angry. If we want to have the inspiration of the Holy Ghost we need to slow down and make time to ponder and pray. There will be times when we will be tried beyond what we think that we can handle. We are preparing for the second coming. Because of the atonement we will be reunited with our loved ones after death. There will be times when we will be tried, Seek ye the Higher.
President Monson - If a man die shall he live again? This was a question asked by Jobe. If there is a design to the world there must be a designer. There is a grand designer - God. He made cattle, beast and creeping things. Last of all he ccreated man in his image. Man the noblest work of the Great Designer. So we would have the chance to succeed he provided His Son. He went about doing good, the book of Acts. The suffering of Jesus in Gethsamane caused myself, even God, to tremble (I know thats not the right word...) from pain. If a man die... he SHALL live again. He lives, death is conquered, man is free.
Close of first session.

Russell M. Nelson - Every person who comes to this earth is a product of past parads. Methods for Temple ordinancing are improving. He spoke mainly of geneology and the importance of doing the Temple work for your ancestors.
Robert D. Hales - What is my duty to God in relationship to youth? Consistentally living the Gospel. Will my children know what I know? We lead by understandint them. We must do more than be in the same room. We need to make umpressions on their minds and hearts. It is impossible to over influence the effect parents to their children. Being there means understanding their hearts. The saddest words of tongue and pen are those that say, it may have been.
Bradley D. Foster - There is no greater good in all the world than motherhood. A distraction does not have to be evil to be effective. We must never stop trying to find our lost ones. There will always be a family and church waiting for us to return. He then reads a poem by Elizabeth Achers about mothers. The love of a true mother comes to that like the love of our Heavenly Father.
James B. Martino - Five things to make us more like Jesus. 1 - He sought not to do his will but to do that of his Father. 2 - When faced with trials we must learn to not complain or murmer. But to look toward the Lord. 3 - I MISSED THIS ONE... IF YOU HAVE IT PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
4 - Let us serve and think of others. 5 - Forgive others. Be accountable for your own decisions.
Gregory A. Schwitzer - We cannot judge others but we are expected to have excellent judgement. Good judgement is needed iin making decisions that will either lead us away or towards the Gospel. Many blessings in life are missed because worldly judgements are involved. The Gospel has a long and successful record of leading people to happiness. Listen to our living Prophet. A relationship of listening requires a peaceful environment, this includes external and internal. "Peace I leave with you... let your heart not be afraid or troubled..."
Fransisco J. Vinas - 28th Chapter of Alma. Awful death will come unto the wicked. No unclean think can inherit the kingdom of God. Teach things that pertain to righteousness, there are many examples in the scriptures. Parents hold an essential role in showing their children righteousness. Speak words or righteousness, those who do this will receive rewards.
Neil A. Anderson - Our generation is said to be in the very best ever. We have been placed on earth in troubled times. The adversary is using every means possible to ensnare us. We cannot be casual in how we prepare. We must fan the flame of our Spiritual core. Do we teach that Jesus often said, "Ask and you shall receive." Jesus stands ready with open arms. Do we feel the power of Jesus' miracles? It is by faith that miracles arive. Be not afraid. Do we anticipate His majestic return? Tell me the stories of Jesus that I love to hear. Open the scriptures and discuss them. Speak more frequently of Jesus Christ. When the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, he shall not get through if you are based on a solid rock.
"Two men can do anything ... As long as one is the Lord."
President Monson - We are here because we love the Lord. We want to serve Him because we love Him. In all ways acknowledge him.
I made this blog for me, there are alot of quotes that I wanted to have somewhere permanent to be able to look for them. And again, if I have misquoted something, please let me know.

Easter Weekend 2010

Dona, Corey, Ashley, Linsay, Scott, Mina, Taylor, Jake and I all went ski biking and snowboarding on the saturday before Easter. It was really fun... I guess I cant really say that Dona, Mina or myself did either ski biking or snowboarding.. we stayed cozy warm in the truck and did the driving. We had alot of fun taking the pictures and watching them all come off of the mountain at the end. Some of them were really entertaining. Ashley and Linsay both took pretty good crashes at the ends, and I luckily.... :-) got both of them on video. I will figure out how to post them on my blog so that you all can enjoy them as well. It was a great weekend. We havent been to Mount Pleasant for a few months and its always nice to visit and spend time with all that live down there. We had a great breakfast Sunday morning that consisted of belgian waffles with cream cheese sauce, peaches, raspberry syrup and whip cream... crepes that consisted of cream cheese filling and blueberry topping, eggs and bacon. It was delicious.

This Easter Sunday was preceded by a trip to Arizona for Uncle Jerry's funeral. It was nice to yet again see a lot of new faces from Jake's side of the family. Jerry's was a funeral that was full of happiness. There was not lingering sadness. I am sure that it is difficult to lose him as a dear member of the family, but he is in a much greater place, and you could feel that at his funeral. The funeral was given in a very small funeral home, one that was close to the size of the Mount Pleasant house living room and dining room combined. Every bench was full and there were as many people standing in the room as there was sitting. Then... we get done with the wonderful service and go outside, where the entire gravel parking lot is full of people that came to give their respects to Jerry and his family. It was shocking to see how many people got together to say their temporary goodbyes to one person. I was touched by all of the humorous stories that so many people told about their Jerry. My favorite few were the ones about trying to flatten a bolt on a train track and actually succeeding in derailing the big train. And then avoiding law enforcement about the incident after... so cute. And then another was one about not having an actual birth certificate that states his real name, his real birthdate, and his real birth place on the same sheet. All of these stories were nice to hear so that I could have some rememberance of him since I only met him one time at the family reunion last year in Sierra Vista. I am very looking forward to the reunion this year in California and hope that I will yet again, get to see some new faces, or better yet... some that arent new!

We had a good trip with Dona, Mina, Jaymi and Krew, and Jake and I. It was a long 9 to 10 hour drive, but we managed with alot of snacking, catching up, and snoozing. I am glad that we went. I am thankful that we both have jobs that allowed us to miss a few days. I hope that this will allow those of you that couldnt be there to kind of know what the experience was like.

Thanksgiving!

I thought that I would take some time to tell what I was thankful for since it is that time of year :-) First, I am so thankful for Jake. I am so hard on him sometimes and he is always so good. He is always supportive of everything that I do. He is always encouraging me to do things that make me happy. I love how happy he always is. He is such a good example of being happy for everything. This time of year is his favorite and its so much fun to spend it with him.
I am thankful for the opportunities we have to see family on both sides that we dont get to see that often. Jake is so excited to go to Mount Pleasant for Christmas. I hope that everyone can be there this year.
My grandparents were here for Thanksgiving this year. They havent been for a few years. They are not winter people so they usually take off for the winter and go to Arizona. But.... this year my grandpa has run into some medical problems and his doctors wont clear him to leave. I am glad! Not for the health problems, but I love having them around for the holidays. My grandma's food is always amazing!
I am thankful for everything that I have in my life. My family, including Jake's side, my job, Jake's job, everything that makes my life what it is. I literally have nothing to complain about... but like always... I find something. I just need to remember the things that are good and that I cant live without.
I saw the saddest story about a caver (spelunker) that had gotten trapped in the Nutty Putty Caves at Utah Lake, and he was in there for 28 hours, leading to him passing away. This was the day of Thanksgiving. How sad and heartbreaking. He left behind a little girl, and a pregnant wife. They tried for days to remove his body from the cave but the risk of sending rescuers in for him was too high. So they are sealing off the caves for good and making that his permanent resting place. They are going to let the family make any necessary landmarks there to properly respect that place. I cant imagine what that family is going through right now. Their whole Holiday season is forever changed. Stories like this are what I need to think of when I think that my life is so bad. My life is great, I need to always remember that.
The other day Jake and I were in a little tiff and I was being mad, he sat there trying to be positive and make things better, and he said "lets not make this a moment that we will later regret." At that moment I was mad, so I didnt really think about what he had said. But I have numerous times since, and it has bothered me that I didnt think about then and stop him when he was walking away.
I am thankful for the chance that we have so many times throughout this time of year to be able to help the ones that are not as lucky as we are. I like hearing about radio stations and news stations that are helping out families in need. Its so touching.
I had an idea today... that as a family (anyone who is willing) that we should all pick an Angel off of the Angel Tree and help provide a great Christmas for those who otherwise wouldnt have anything???? Any takers? It wouldnt take much but it would change the memory and life possibly of a young child or family. I think that it would be such a great experience to try this as a family! Let me know.......
I love all of you that will be reading this and hope that just like us, you had a great Thanksgiving and that great things are in store for you for this Holiday Season.

Our long day at the hospital

Well today turned out alot different than what we had planned for. Or I guess we should say, yesterday, since it is one in the morning on Sunday. Around two on Saturday my side pain came back worse than I had felt it since it started. It was horrible, I have never been through child birth but I have heard from more than one person that kidney stones is worse. Man, I believe it. The immediately put me on some doritol, which is a little bit stronger than morphine. It worked instantly and felt amazing. But just like with the other narcotics, it made me itch like crazy. So to counter act that, she gave me some toridal, I was allergic to that. So lets go ahead and times the itch by like ten. haha. It was so funny. Mina, Jaymi, mu mom and Kallie had came up to bring that shock therapy thing and I didnt realize how much I had been itching while they were there. I would so much rather be itching than feel like someone is stabbing me.
Around like 7 pm, the doc came in and said that he was going to send me home and if I had to come back again, they were going to keep me and surgery was going to be the next resort. I was already feeling the pain meds wearring off and the pill form ones that he sent me home with make me sick so I cant keep them down. I asked him if it would be a pain just to go ahead and admit me so that they could keep my pain down. If I'm not hurting then I'm not straining my urethra muscles, which allows the stone to continue to move. He went ahead and admitted me and gave me some more dorital ( I think thats what its called.) Or dilantin... ??? It helped me sleep for a little while, it is now around 1:15 in the morning on Sunday. I woke up with a little pain which means the meds are wearring off. But thats good. The last time that they gave me pain med through my iv was at 9:30.... longest that I have gone. Maybe that means that the stone has FINALLY gone into my bladder, and from there its supposed to be painless. I just hope that none of the others start to move on me.
Travis sent some more texts today while I was out of it, so I have not read them yet on Ari's updated condition. Once again for my memory I am going to put them on here:
Dear Family, as we all know Arianna's sickness has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, good health for a couple of days and then an unexpected devasting collapse. Most of it has had to do with her condition of diabetes insipidus, causing sodium levels to rise and fall and dehydration to take place in a matter of minutes. Thus causing convulsions and minor comas to over take her physical body. She has also experienced a large amount of pain this last week. Pain that oxycodone and morphine had challenges to alleviate from her body. The doctors dont know exactly where the pain came from and if it will return. Her blood levels have also been very weak requiring blood transfusions. The most consistent symptom has been a fever on a daily basis. Sometimes, two and three times a day, but never with fault at least once a day. The hope is that she has some type of viral that is causing these symptoms. However, they have done and ran test after test this week and are not finding any type of virus or infection. So there is a belief that it is the LCH that is causing it. It is very important we find out, according to the oncology doctor if it is the LCH we must aggressively change what we are doing . Because it is not enough and she will rapidly decline and with studies in the past of similar situations, they were not favorable. (Translate for yourself.) Unfortunately, if it is the LCH that is causing all of these symptoms, fever and pain, the road ahead will be very, very challenging. So... they are going to start all of the tests, surgeries, biopsy, catscan, x ray etc. There are many and they are painful and discomforting. Mom, Jaymi, Lori, Jake and Amber know, they witnessed and helped with many of them. If it is the LCH that is causing it, the therapy will be mjuch more aggressive, the chemo will be more potent causing more risky and painful side effects. (She's already a radiation bomb ready to go off.) According to the doctor at this point because she is into her 6th week of chemotherapy treatment, she should not be experiencing these symptoms, if she is in remission. Unfortunately, with the chronic illness of LCH, if a patient doesnt enter into remission soon the chances of survival are less likely. Now on the other hand we are hoping that it is a virus or infection, it is is we get to continue with antibiotics and intensive care, she should be just fine, figuratively speaking. According to science and medicine, in my opinion the diagnosis is pointing to LCH. But that's not what we want. Haley and I are going to start a fast, I'm not sure what to fast for, my first thought was to fast that she has an infection or virus (never thought I would fast for that reason.) So if anyone has an inspirational intuition please share. I also think it would be great to fast for Amber and her situation (no not because of her marriage to Jake...) her kidney stones that she is passing. This situation reminds me of tough man tournaments. You know you have to step into that ring and fight, but you dont who its going to be, the 6'6" 250 pounder with years of fighting experience or the 150 pounder that all of his friends convinced him he actually had a chance. So yes, I am fearful of who our opponent is, I feel like I'm sitting in the locker room waiting for my opponents name to be drawn. I guess this is a moment in life you hope that you've trained well for. As I'm sitting here typing this into my phone I am wondering if I am prepared to fight the 6'6" opponent. Is my faith, patience, charity, belief and hope sufficient? Have I honored my Priesthood, am I worthy to commune on a divine level? What do I know about the Atonement, can I access it on a level sufficient to help Arianna bare what may be ahead of her? Is my relationship with God and Christ enough to call upon the powers of Heaven for comfort and support for Arianna to endure what challenge may come. However, my mond can not rest from the thought of, if Arianna does not make it, was I as her father, prepared spiritually, physically, emotionally and intellectually enough to do all I could to help her? And did I give her the love and care that she needed while she lived her short two years on this earth? I guess those are good questions, regardless of Arianna's situation, questions I should ask myself about Haley, Kaley, Taylor and Laney. And all of the people that I love.
Once again, I am amazed at him. He is such an inspiring person. Even with the terrifying road that lies ahead of them as a family, he took the time to mention my situation. Which compared to theirs, is tiny. I hope that they soon will be able to see the light at the end of their tunnel. I cant help but to think of them throughout the whole day everday. My heart also goes out to Vicki, of whom I heard, Jayden is not doing well. She is such a strong person as well. I dont know how she is blessed with the patience that she has. Patience is definitely a virtue that she was blessed with. She will be up here again in Utah the first week in November, I hope that during that trip she will be able to find something useful out and be able to get some treatment for Jayden that works better than what she is on now.
I am so thankful for being able to watch these spiritually strong people and be able to admire their strength, physical and spiritual.
Well my dumb heart rate machine wont stop this stupid beeping, I am sitting in the hospital trying to do by blog and I dont know what the problem is. I just got dizzy and really warm, so I am going to have to finish this later.
Thanks all you guys for your example and support.